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Relationships: Intimate vs. Dysfunctional

From a handout of Onsite Workshops (www.onsiteworkshops.com), with additional information from Dr. Gore.

INTIMATE

DYSFUNCTIONAL

Peers. Power differential.
Mutuality. Imbalance.
Choice. Loss of choice.
Freedom. Compulsion
Desire to share needs and feelings. "No talk" rule, especially if things are not working out.
Relationship always changing. Relationship is always the same.
I want to be there. I have to be there.
I try to balance "alone time" with "together time" I am with my partner all the time or we hardly see each other (and when we do we are involved in other activities).
I begin with me (self). I want. I feel. Initiator… I begin with you. You change. You make me feel. Reactor…
I take care of me. I am solely responsible for figuring out what I need and communicate it to you. You will know what is right for me. You will fix it.
Sex is an important part of how two people connect. Sex is almost non-existent or occurs without any true connection.
I will let you see all of me. I will only show you the parts of me I want you to see.
Relationship deals with things as they come along. Relationship uses denial to deal with things.
My dedication to you is based on my true interest in your spiritual path, even if it takes you away. Your spiritual growth doesn’t count.
Love is always an act of self-love. Love is wanting someone to love me at all costs.
Relationship deals with reality. Relationship is based on delusion, often on what "could" be.

 

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