Relationships: Intimate vs. Dysfunctional
From a handout of Onsite Workshops (www.onsiteworkshops.com), with additional information from Dr. Gore.
INTIMATE |
DYSFUNCTIONAL |
| Peers. | Power differential. |
| Mutuality. | Imbalance. |
| Choice. | Loss of choice. |
| Freedom. | Compulsion |
| Desire to share needs and feelings. | "No talk" rule, especially if things are not working out. |
| Relationship always changing. | Relationship is always the same. |
| I want to be there. | I have to be there. |
| I try to balance "alone time" with "together time" | I am with my partner all the time or we hardly see each other (and when we do we are involved in other activities). |
| I begin with me (self). I want. I feel. Initiator… | I begin with you. You change. You make me feel. Reactor… |
| I take care of me. I am solely responsible for figuring out what I need and communicate it to you. | You will know what is right for me. You will fix it. |
| Sex is an important part of how two people connect. | Sex is almost non-existent or occurs without any true connection. |
| I will let you see all of me. | I will only show you the parts of me I want you to see. |
| Relationship deals with things as they come along. | Relationship uses denial to deal with things. |
| My dedication to you is based on my true interest in your spiritual path, even if it takes you away. | Your spiritual growth doesn’t count. |
| Love is always an act of self-love. | Love is wanting someone to love me at all costs. |
| Relationship deals with reality. | Relationship is based on delusion, often on what "could" be. |